Unsung Psalm
by Wildfire Girl
Summary: Antonio looks back on his life, and love, for Gabi.


UNSUNG PSLAM  
  
THERE WOULD BE PSALMS SUNG BY A CHOIR  
  
I WOULD HAVE A WHITE ROBE, A HALO NEWLY ACQUIRED  
  
I'D BE AT PEACE AND I'D HAVE NO DESIRE  
  
IF I'D LIVED RIGHT  
  
Antonio's eyes were closed, deep in thought. What peace life could have been, would have been without the desire, the love of Gabi. How simple his priesthood could have been. Peace . peace was a fair price to have known love.  
  
THERE WOULD BE CHERUBS WITH TINY HARPS, ARROWS AND BOWS  
  
I'D HAVE A HALO AND A FLOWING WHITE ROBE  
  
I'D BE ENFOLDED BY A CELESTIAL LIGHT  
  
IF I'D LIVED RIGHT  
  
His hands were folded, as always, deep in prayer. Perhaps he should have been envisioning the cherubs, the tiny harps lilting with music. Perhaps he should have been envisioning the life without the love of that amazing woman. But he couldn't see beyond Gabi's face dancing before his eyes. His only visions were of her. The laughter as they washed Ricardo's SUV and sprayed water all over each other, the friendship they had shared in so many conversations, the look on her face as they ended their first dance at Ricardo's birthday party. It was all there, visions dancing in his heart. No, there were no visions of cherubs, tiny harps, arrows, bows.  
  
BUT I'M FEELING HOT AND BOTHERED UNDER THE COLLAR  
  
I FEEL THE SWEAT BREAKING OUT ON MY BROW  
  
I FEEL THE HEAT AND I KNOW IT'S THE PASSION  
  
THE LOVE I CAN'T DISAVOW  
  
All his mind could conjure up were images of Gabi. Beautiful Gabi. He could remember his first dreams of this woman, those dreams of heat and passion and the faceless angel that touched him. The way those tiny hands roved across his skin, taunting in their sweetness. At this moment, he could feel the sweat from those dreams.  
  
His mind played back his time with Gabi, starting the moment of realization that she was the goddess in his dreams, the woman that so haunted his nights. His heart saw the moment he danced with her and she felt the passion, the love that he shared too. The moment he had walked on the beach with her, before he was to leave for Guatemala, and saw the love she wanted to admit in her eyes, but could not say aloud.  
  
But most of all, he could taste her kiss, see the love written in her eyes, the day of the cave-in. Even to this day his heart literally stopped at the thought that he might have lost her then and there. He had never run so hard in his life to reach AJ's resort, to save Gabi and only Gabi from the explosion. Even today, he could still feel the passion at the thought he could be loved by this woman . to have the one last chance to be loved by his angel was more than he could pass up. He could still feel her lips on his, that sense of home and belonging. The pounding of his heart as she so gently slid his collar off, and laid it like a cherished halo on the ground. He could honestly feel her as she opened his shirt, traced the patterns of his muscles on his chest, as if it were happening today. The feel of holding her in his arms would be forever tattoed on his heart. It was the one feeling that would hold for all of eternity.  
  
IF THIS IS A DREAM, WAKE ME UP NOW  
  
IF THIS IS A MOVIE, LET'S EDIT THESE SCENES OUT  
  
IT WOULD BE A PG INSTEAD OF AN X-RATED LIFE  
  
IF I'D LIVED RIGHT  
  
He was the first to admit, he had no regrets. It may have been wrong in the eyes of some, but his love for Gabi had been right inside of him. God help him, it had been right. Each day that had passed from the moment he had first met her, led him to loving her more. And each moment had begged his soul to allow her to love him. And in one instance of letting go, in one moment of weakness as the world saw it, he had welcomed her love. The X-Rated life.  
  
SOME WOULD CALL ME A CHEAT, CALL ME A LIAR  
  
SAY THAT I'VE BEEN DEFEATED BY THE BASEST DESIRES  
  
YES, I HAVE STRAYED AND SUCCUMBED TO MY VICES  
  
BUT I TRIED TO LIVE RIGHT  
  
He never saw it as being entranced by the wanton coils of desire, succumbing to his vices. He never saw his love as a betrayal. It simply was love for Gabi. That is all it would ever be. No cheating, no more lying, no defeat. Simply love.  
  
BUT I HAVE NOT REGRETS, NO GUILT IN MY HEART  
  
I ONLY FEEL SADNESS FOR ANY PAIN THAT I'VE CAUSED  
  
I GUESS I WOULDN'T BOTHER TO WORRY AT ALL  
  
IF I'D LIVED RIGHT  
  
Despite how wrong his love for Gabi might have seemed, Father Antonio had never felt those regrets. Oh, he had held on to his share of pain, for what he had caused others. His parishioners and friends who had held him to the highest esteem, his brother whom he had betrayed in the worst way. But mostly, his heavy hearted pain came from knowing he had let Gabi down. Her love for him had always been enough in her eyes, but his love for her could never be what she needed for life. And that was his greatest regret, his only pain.  
  
DO YOU LIVE BY THE BOOK, DO YOU PLAY BY THE RULES?  
  
DO YOU CARE WHAT IS THOUGHT BY OTHERS ABOUT YOU?  
  
IF THIS DAY IS ALL THAT IS PROMISED TO YOU  
  
DO YOU LIVE FOR THE FUTURE, THE PRESENT, THE PAST?  
  
He could live forever on that one night so many years ago. He had survived his life off of the memories of that night, knowing within his heart that at one precious moment in the world, in the universe, she had loved him, and only him. It did not matter if it was right or wrong, if she wasn't his to have, or that she could never be his again. All that had mattered was that she was his for that moment. And that no matter how much time had passed during their lives, she would always and still love him.  
  
Oh, yes. Antonio could live off of the past. Long ago he had gotten beyond trying to imagine what would have happened if he had not given in to his love and his desires for Gabi. Long ago he had made up his mind, his heart, that it had happened and would always be there. He had no desires to change that. He couldn't live for the past.  
  
All he had now was this moment at hand. Those memories of years to refresh his soul. And this one opportunity now at hand. Would he play by the rules? Speak what should be spoken? Or live for the present, the past?  
  
IF THERE IS ONE THING I KNOW, I KNOW I WILL DIE  
  
IF ANYONE CARES, SOME STRANGER MAY CRITIQUE MY LIFE  
  
I MAY BE REVERED OR DEFAMED OR DECRIED  
  
BUT I TRIED TO LIVE RIGHT  
  
Antonio watched as the nurse waived in the young reporter. How young and eager he did look! And Antonio imagined he had been about this man's age when he had made the eternal decision to enter the priesthood. The reporter, notepad and pen in hand, nervously entered the scant hospital room, and looked around.  
  
"Father Antonio Torres?" He hesitated, staring down at the figure of the man in the hospital bed. Was this frail, dying man really the Father Antonio Torres he had heard so much about? The man he was about to write an entire biography on? The Father Antonio Torres who had became a priest because of his presumed dead sister? The Father Antonio Torres who left Rosario under scandal to return to his family in Sunset Beach? A family of a come back to life sister with amnesia, a tarot card reading mother? The same Father Antonio Torres that fell in love with his brother's wife and made love to her, all caught on X-rated videotape? Was this really the same man? But that had been many years ago. Before the reporter had even been born.  
  
"I'm Patrick Mitchell," the reporter introduced himself, pulling up a chair beside Antonio's bed.  
  
"I've been expecting you," was all Father Antonio Torres said.  
  
"Where would you like to begin?"  
  
Antonio unfolded his hand to look at the picture he had been holding all day, the picture that had been in his heart for a better half of his life. A picture of Gabriella Martinez Torres. The polariod instant photo that had been taken at her wedding rehearsal, as she walked down the aisle holding the fake bouquet of ribbons. Faded, slightly tattered, but it was his none the less. His. Gabi ..  
  
"Love . have you ever know love?"  
  
Patrick wasn't sure what to say, so he sat quietly.  
  
"I'm talking about love that smothers your heart and makes it impossible to breath, to survive without her? Love that is so intense that that one moment can last a lifetime in your heart? If you have never known this, you have never known love. And without love, we are nothing."  
  
He took a shuddering breath, his last breath, and ever so gently, he laid the picture on his chest above his heart, and closed his eyes one final time.  
  
THERE WOULD BE PSALMS SUNG BY A CHIOR  
  
I WOULD HAVE A WHITE ROBE, A HALO NEWLY ACQUIRED  
  
I'D BE AT PEACE AND I'D HAVE NO DESIRE  
  
IF I'D LIVED RIGHT  
  
And in the glowing warmth of Heaven, Gabi's soul awaited the arrival of Antonio. What could never be theirs for the taking on Earth, was waiting in Heaven. Soul mates torn apart in Sunset Beach, reunited for eternity, as it was always meant to be. Halos newly acquired . 


End file.
